I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Michael Bay diarrhea
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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