I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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