Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
