its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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