its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
