My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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