That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
