If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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