I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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