What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
