He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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