Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
