There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
