then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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