Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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