forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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