My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
