At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
