His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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