I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
