Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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