At least make sure they are 18
Why
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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