His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
