i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
