you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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