i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And then he peed in my hair
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