quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
