The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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