Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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