Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
