I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.