I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
