you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
