just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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