Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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