Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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