I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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