He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
