She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
