a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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