I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
