i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
