she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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