If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How external is "for external use only"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
as a side note pls kill me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize