This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
