they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
