Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
