I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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