I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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