Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
