I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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