i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
