You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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