He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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