If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
