I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
