SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
