would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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