Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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