I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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